Batman VS Captain America
Captain America vs. Batman is the 36th episode of Death Battle. It features Captain America, one of Marvel Comics most famous characters, and Batman, who previously starred (and lost) in Batman vs. Spider-Man. It follows the episode, Godzilla VS Gamera. Introduction Wiz: Defending the weak from powerful agents of evil demands a champion who has acheived the peak of human capability, All in the name of Justice... and sometimes Vengeance. Boomstick: Batman, The Dark Knight. Wiz: And Captain America, The Sentinel of Liberty. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle. Batman Wiz: Throughout the underworld of Gotham City, one name strikes fear in the cold, black hearts of even the most hardened Criminals. The Batman. Boomstick: But becoming a six-foot flying Rat of Vengeance comes at a cost, for 8 year old Bruce Wayne, it was helplessly watching as his parents were gunned down in front of him on the way back from the Theatre, That poor kid... that Opera really must have scarred him. Wiz: Bruce's Genius Level Intellect and Physical Prowess allowed him to pick up a vast array of skills on his global journey to become The Dark Knight, He became an expert in the art of Disguise and a master of every fighting style known to man, He's perfected Escape Artistry, Sword Fighting, Detective Skills, Stealth, Has a photgraphic memory, Earned 12 Masters Degrees, An expert marksman and is vastly knowledgable in Pressure Points. Boomstick: And we're positive he's not Superhuman. Wiz: Officialy no he's not, but he has learned to appear so in the minds of his opponents, having been trained by The League of Assassins, Batman's greatest weapon is Fear. Boomstick: All it takes is a glimpse of that pointy-eared Shadow and criminals start shaking in their boots, He can disappear and reappear in an instant thanks to his mastery of Stealth and the high-tech gadgets he keeps in his Utility Belt, like his Batclaw Grappling Hook, Smoke Pellets, Tons of different Batarangs and... Shock Gloves. Wiz: Hey, Don't underestimate the Shock Gloves, they release a charge powerful enough to penetrate Kevlar, and even stop the heart of one of Batman's most powerful enemies, Bane. Boomstick: But then he Restarted it because he's nice like that, Bane later said Thank You the only way He knew how. (Shows the picture of Bane breaking Batman's back) Boomstick: I'm surprised Batty didn't pull something out of the Utility Belt to stop that one, Considering it seems to contain anything Batman could ever need, even Shark Repellent. Wiz: Actually, that's a common misconception, the Shark Repellent was stored in the helicopter that Robin was flying, NOT Batman's Utility Belt. Boomstick: Oh yeah, because that makes it SOOO much less ridiculous. Wiz: Batman also carries Explosive Gel, A cluster of this substance can be sprayed onto nearly any surface and remotely detonate, perfect for distractions. Boomstick: Or you know... BLOWING SHIT UP! Tempered Criminals, if you know Batman's after you, Avoid anything shaped like a Bat. Man 1: Somebody in here? (Batman stares at Man, Man closes door) Man 2: Something Wrong? Man 1: Nope. Wiz: Bruce chose the guise of a Bat to project his own fear of the flying mammal onto his enemies, However that is not the Batsuit's only purpose. Boomstick: Thanks to some Military-Grade Armor he stole from his own company with Morgan Freeman's permission, The Batsuit is almost completely Bulletproof, Knifeproof, Electricityproof, Punchproof, Dogproof and Theftproof. ''' Wiz: Inside Batman's Cowl is an array of High-Tech Gear commonly used for listening to Police Scanners and Communicating with Allies, but in combat, Batman finds more use in it's Night Infrared and Ultraviolet Vision, also it's built in Triangulation Imaging System, which hacks into the world's cellphones and creates a Digital 3D Map. '''Boomstick: You mean he can see EVERYTHING I do, just because I have a phone? Wiz: More or Less. Boomstick: Ask him where I left my keys... Wiz: Aside from Mass Invasion of Privacy, Batman's resume includes such accomplishments as Dodging Darkseid's virtually unavoidable Omega Beams, Withstanding the Vacuum of Space for 24 seconds and breaking free from a coffin, burried 6 feet underground, in a straitjacket after being deprived of sleep for days all while having a cocktail of unknown drugs in his system along with the Joker's latest Venom Toxin. Boomstick: WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE WE POSITIVE THAT WE'RE POSITIVE HE'S NOT SUPERHUMAN?! Wiz: Given his line of work, I wouldn't be surprised if he stumbled into a room filled with Gamma Rays or something like that... But underneath the Batsuit he is affected by knives and bullets the same as any other mortal man, even though he usually comes out victorious, his self confidence occasionally put him in life threatening situations he can't escape without help. Boomstick: Like Bane's "Thank You Spine Durabiility Test". Wiz: But the Caped Crusader has consistently found a way to survive even the most life threatening situations. Boomstick: And Bats has no problem continuously going toe-to-toe with evil in the name of Justice... Vengeance. Batman: From this moment on, None of you are Safe... Captain America (cue Captain America: The First Avenger - Captain America) Wiz: Born to poor Irish immigrtants in Manhattan on July 4th, 1920, Steven Rogers grew up with little money, few friends. Boomstick: And even fewer Muscles, Good God is that Steve Rogers or Jack Skellington?! Somebody get that kid a sandwich! Wiz: But his sheer willpower, selflessness and desire for justice stood out, As those around him left to serve in the Second World War, Rogers was desperate to fight for his country, but due to his lacking physique and health problems, he was turned away from every single Military Organization, multiple times. Boomstick: Meanwhile Hitler was creating a new group of Super Nazis with Lasers, called HYDRA. Wiz: Desperate to combat this new threat, Uncle Sam began the top secret "Project Rebirth", it looked like Rogers would finally get his chance to be the hero after all, provided he survived an untested, unstabled, unpresedented experience. Boomstick: After an injection of some mystery juice and tanning in Vita-Rays, Rogers lived! And as a Plus became a Nazi Annihilating, Terrorist Thrashing symbol of freedom.... Captain America! Boomstick: MERICA! (Gunfire sounds as a Bold Eagle flies by while Confetti and Fireworks go off) (Cue Captain America's Marvel vs. Capcom 3 Theme) Wiz: The Super Soldier Serum pushed Steve's body to the absolute limit of human physical and mental potential. Boomstick: A homeless guy sold me a Super Serum once, I woke up in Denny's a week later without my wallet... Wiz: With his new body, Rogers can bench press 1100 lbs and run a mile in 73 seconds, by comparison, the bench press world record without the aid of a bencher is Eric Spoto's 722 lbs and the fastest mile run belongs to Hicham Guerouj of Moraco of 3 minutes 43 seconds, that makes Rogers nearly twice as strong and over three times as fast as the most physically fit human beings in the world. Boomstick: He can even dodge gunfire at point-blank range, by in his own words "Seeing Faster". Wiz: Which is the absolutely stupidest way of saying that his brain can process images faster than a normal human. Boomstick: Putting his new abilities to good use, he's adept in every single form of hand-to-hand combat known to man, That's right! I bet you didn't know that Captain America was a Ninja. I'ron Fist: Jujutsu, Kung-Fu, Krav Maga. Captain America: All of the above. Wiz: Despite his incredible physical potential, The military intially decided Super Steve was best suited as.... The US Army Poster Boy. (cues Captain America: The First Avenger - The Star Spangled Man) '''Boomstick: That suit looks like it was ripped fr'om a Patriotic Circus.' Wiz: It was... '''Boomstick: Really? Well at least he upgraded to suits not made from Circus later on.' Wiz: No they were too. Boomstick: What kind of circus would make a costume with Kevlar, Nomex and Lightweight Titanium that's resistant to Water, Fire and Electric Shocks? Wiz: Some call it World War II. Boomstick: Oh... I get it. Wiz: But the most iconic aspect of Cap's attire is his famed Shield, composed of Proto-Adamantium and a mysterious metal from Space called Vibranium, this one of a kind Shield was presented to him personally by none other than the 32nd President of the United States, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Boomstick: And like a badass, Cap doesn't just use his shield for defending himself, he hurls that Motherfucker at just about anything that moves. Wiz: The combination of the two metals allows the shield to absorb and reflect practically all kinetic energy and thus ricochet off multiple targets with only minor loss in velocity, Captain America utilizes this in combination with his Super Soldier mind to predict and calculate the shields trajectory so that it always ends up back in hand no matter how many targets it has struck. Boomstick: Cap's Shield can reflect anything from bullets to lasers, decapitate vampires and stop a blow from Thor's Hammer, and if you recall, Mjolnir doesn't fuck around, this giant frisbee of freedom is so cool, even Superman wants one! (Peggy Carter shoots bullets at Cap's Shield) Peggy Carter: Yes, I think it works. Wiz: But it's not unstoppable, it's been damaged and even destroyed it's fair share of times over the years, but only by Cosmic or Reality working powers. Boomstick: Luckily Mr. America doesn't rely only on his shield. Wiz: He's boxed Thor to a stand still, Was deemed worthy to wield Mjolnir and has even managed to incapacitate The Hulk with his knowledge of Pressure Points. (shows three pictures of Hulk being overwhelmed by Cap) Boomstick: WAIT, GO BACK TO THAT SECOND ONE! DID THIS GUY JUST KICK THE HULK IN THE DICK?!?! YOU GOT TO BE A REAL MAN TO GIVE THE GREEN GOLIATH A NUT CHECK, I MEAN THAT'S THE FASTEST WAY TO PISS OFF A DUDE AND WHO DON'T WE LIKE WHEN THEIR ANGRY?! BALLS OF STEEL RIGHT THERE, GREAT BIG EAGLE SHAPED FREEDOM BALLS OF STEEL. Wiz: And to top everything off, not many Super Heroes can claim to have defeated the fearsome foursome of Crack, Weed, Ice and Ms. Fix, The literal personifications of actual Street Drugs. Boomstick: So you're telling me he's preaching an anit-drug message, knowing that drugs are the entire reason he became awesome?! Wiz: I guess we can add "Hypocrite" to his list of aliases, despite being a physically perfect human, Captain America more or less has the same weaknesses as any other man, his patriotic uniform can only protect him so much from stabbing weapons. Boomstick: And sniper bullets, God knows he gets killed pretty good by those. AHHH WEAPONS! MY ONLY WEAKNESS! HOW DID YOU.... KNOW.... Wiz: Even in the face of Death, Captain America always stands for what the United States needs. Boomstick: AND SOMETIMES THATS SERVING HITLER AN AMERICAN SIZED KNUCKLE SANDWICH Man: Who are you supposed to be? Captain America: I'm *pant* Captain America. Announcement Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle! Fight An alleyway is shown, and we see Captain America drop from the top of a building. The camera turns into the shadowy parts of the alley, and we see two blank eyes. These eyes belong to Batman. Batman approaches the good Captain slowly, and takes a combat stance. Cap responds, and does the same. FIGHT As soon as those words are shout, Captain America instantly throws his shield at Batman, which hits and ricochets, allowing Cap to sprint and grab the shield. Cap starts pummeling Batman with punches and kicks, but Batman starts avoiding the attacks, and counters. Batman throws some batarangs, but said weapons are deflected, and Cap throws his shield again. Batman ducks under it and shoots his grappling hook, in an attempt to pull Cap towards him. But before he can do this, the Shield hit Bats in the back of the head. Cap yanks the cord, and races to get his shield. As he retrieves the shield, Batman is flying towards him (Due to the grappling hook), and rams the shield into Batman's chest. Batman activates the shock gaunlets, which are useless against the shield. Cap pushes Bats back, only for Bats to spread Smoke Bombs along the floor. Captain America shouts: "Lets finish this." "Hyper-" This is followed by the smoke screens going off, with the rim of the shield in the wall, Batman seemingly gone. Cap looks around, and a batarang flies by his head. Cap throws his shield in the distance, and waits for a second. Nothing happens, until he gets his shield back, covered in explosive gel. The ensuing explosion makes Captain America stumble, and become woozy. Batman leaps in, and uses pressure points to keep Cap at bay. As soon as Captain America collapses, Batman grabs the Shield, and sneaks up behind Cap. Before Cap can regain his senses, Batman knocks Cap into the sky, and uses his grappling hook to grab Cap by the neck. Cap is jerked down, and the hook wraps around a lamp post, hanging the Star Spangled Hero. K.O Batman uses Cap's shield to slice the hanging Cap in half. Conclusion Boomstick: I pledge allegiance to the Cap, hanging miserably from the Lightpost. Wiz: Captain America did have the endurance and power advantage, and Batman himself has admitted he COULD lose a hand-to-hand match against him, but there's a big different between COULD and WOULD. Boomstick: I COULD survive a fall out of an airplane, but I WOULDN'T bet on it, unless your doing it Wiz, you should totally try it, 5 bucks if you make it. Wiz: You're an idiot Boomstick, also the fact is, Batman is more than a boxer, his stealth and disarming skills allowed him to turn the fight in his favor. Boomstick: Not to mention the gadgets, just because Cap could "See Faster" doesn't mean he can see hard enough to spot Bats through a solid wall of smoke. Wiz: Batman also regularly battles and sneaks around super beings far above your average Laser Nazi. Boomstick: If he can ninja around SUPERMAN'S Super Hearing, there's no reason he can't do the same to Captain America. Wiz: And of course Batman has more knowledge of Pressure Points and fighting styles, because he's mastered all of them, rather than simply being adept, Helping him incapacitate and finish off the Star-Spangled Soilder. Boomstick: Captain America just couldn't hang in there. Wiz: The winner is Batman. Trivia *This is the seventh Death Battle to not be sponsored by any wed ad; the first six were Dr. Eggman vs Dr. Wily, Ivy vs. Orchid, Terminator vs. Robocop, Luigi vs. Tails, Pokémon Battle Royale and Godzilla VS Gamera. *This is the second Death Battle to feature a character who previously appeared in an episode, this time being Batman. The first was Leonardo with his reappearance in Zitz VS Leonardo. **However, this is the first fight to feature a character who previously lost. **This is also the only time a returning character fights a character from the same franchise that his previous opponent was in. *This is also the fifth Death Battle episode in which a Disney-owned character and a Warner Bros.-owned character were pitted against each other, the first four being Rogue vs. Wonder Woman, Luke Skywalker vs. Harry Potter, Thor vs. Raiden, and Batman vs. Spiderman. **It is also the third Marvel VS DC fight. ***However, this is the first time in which the DC character defeated the Marvel character. *Publicly this is the eighth Death Battle episode to have people raging about a character (Captain America) who lost. The first seven were Zelda VS Peach, Link vs Cloud Strife, Batman VS Spiderman, Pikachu vs Blanka, Goku vs Superman, Luigi vs. Tails and the Pokémon Battle Royale. **However unlike the others, the rage from people is mainly from saying that the episode was only done to please the Batman fans who were angry over his lost against Spider-Man. Category:Death battles Category:Season 2 episodes Category:'DC vs Marvel' themed Death Battles Category:'Disney vs Warner Bros.' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles with returning combatants Category:Sponsorless Death Battles Category:The battles fanboys rage on about